Help Wanted

Over the past year, I have noticed that Serenity has been having problems with certain things. She has acted out and been extremely disobedient, had a bad temper for days on end for what seemed to be no good reason, been pouty and crabby, difficult, whiney, and over all not the little girl she used to be. Steve and I tried many different things to discourage this behavior and to figure out what the underlying issues were that would cause such behavior. It was even more frustrating because it seemed like these issues were coming out of nowhere and we could not understand how she could have gone from such a happy girl to one who was so unhappy and cranky all the time. Some of it began when we were living in Bloomington with my friend, her husband and their two kids. I do not blame them in any way whatsoever, but I think the situation became overwhelming for Serenity. For the first time in her life, we were not living with my parents and instead of sharing a room with me, she was sharing a room with my friends daughter (who is about a year older than Serenity), and sharing her toys and space with other kids on a daily basis. This was completely new to Serenity, she was not given a choice in the matter, and was basically expected by me and my friend that the two girls become friends overnight. For the last 2 months that I lived in Bloomington, I gave up on putting Serenity to bed in her own bed because I knew that in the middle of the night, she was going to crawl into bed with me anyway. And I really didn't mind because I had this big queen sized bed all to myself and it was kinda nice to see her little face first thing in the morning :)
At any rate, by the time Serenity was sleeping in my bed every night, I was looking for a place of my own. A friend of mine suggested I look at foreclosed homes because the monthly mortgage payment would probably be lower than rent for an apartment. And I found the perfect house, had a roommate, and had started an old relationship over again. Steve and I knew that it would probably take a month or two for Serenity to adjust to the new house and the fact that she had her own room now (which she had been asking for) and she had more of her own space. But still the crabbiness and the disobedience continued. This is where Steve and I had to try new methods to control the bad behavior. Some worked for a while, but we still could not uncover the underlying issue(s) and we were just completely frustrated and confused. And then the parenting time changed to alternating weeks instead of 4 days here and 3 days at her dads house. That was not what I wanted initially, but I actually have more time with Serenity than I did before. And then Serenity began to tell me that she did not want to go to her dad's house at all. This was a change. Then her dad had a new baby, who was born on Serenity's birthday. As was recently pointed out to me, "No way to tell your daughter she is being replaced like having your new kid born on HER birthday." I could not have put it better myself. I believe this is where I started to realize that the underlying reason for Serenity's misbehavior were because of things that were going on at her father's house. That maybe she was not getting the attention she needed there and was continuing to act out with me and Steve. So we met with a counselor yesterday. Because Serenity does not vocalize her emotions very well, she gave us some homework and things to work on at home to teach Serenity to speak her mind, vocalize what bothers her or makes her happy, and understand what is going on in that pretty head of hers. Because it was an initial meeting, our counselor was able to dig too deep with Serenity, but we did learn some things. For example, she does not feel that her dad pays her enough attention and is jealous of the new baby. In a 6 year old's mind, this is completely justified, even if it comes out sounding selfish. By using the 2 methods of increasing communication with Serenity, we hope to accomplish 2 things: 1) Teach Serenity to open up about her emotions, 2) Have Serenity be so used to expressing herself in this manner that it comes out at her dad's house and he either gives in and gives her the attention she needs or gives up and gives me the parenting time I want. I am curious to see how this works and what the counselor will say when we meet with her again. I just want my little girl to feel happy, safe, and loved, no matter where she is. I don't think that is too much to ask at this point.