Klutz say what?!

If you know me, you know what a klutz I can be. Did I spell that right? Oh well... This all started when I was 12 years old and I had a major growth spurt (11 or 12 inches in a year!) and I started to notice a lack of coordination. At times it was amusing, but one would assume that by now, I would have grown out of the klutzy phase being that I am now 24. Oh no, I am still in that phase and at times it can be amusing. Like when I am attempting to put on my socks or underwear in the moring and I fall on my face or my butt. Or put on my shoes on the way out the door. Or when I drop things (only funny if nothing breaks) or don't do well at some sports. This lack of coordinaion has taught me to laugh things off and not take myself so seriously all the time and to not be embarrassed when I do something stupid. That is not to say that I am without embarrassment completely. Then again, I had a baby and had about 20 people staring at my cooter at the time and nurses grabbing my boobs when I was learning to feed Serenity. Cuz THAT wasn't awkward at all... Oh the joys of motherhood. And now that I have gone off on a side bar, I have no idea what I was talking about. Oh yea, my lack of coordination and... SHINY! Crap, A.D.D. kicking in again. Yep, lost my train of thought and the reason behind this post. If anything, this has given someone an insight to how scatter brained I can be when there is a serious lack of coffee in my veins. I give up on figuring out what this post was leading to. Thank God it's Friday and Serenity comes home today! Have a great weekend, folks! Praying for sunshine and temps ABOVE freezing!

I Heart My Family

February 22, 2011 was yet another turning point in my life. Finally made one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. At first, I did not get the answers I wanted, which really didn't surprise me. I completely expected this decision to lead my life on a path that I did not want to travel, but knew it was the one for me. And then, it changed. I got the answer I wanted (and have been waiting for years to get) and I wasn't sure where to go from there. I was so expecting to hear the same thing that I have heard for years that I didn't quite know what to do. I contemplated being the stubborn woman that I am and continue as if I had not gotten what I wanted. But then I realized that I was just being stubborn and prayed that God would tell me what to do because I honestly had no clue what to do. Since that day, I have felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My relationship with God is so amazing and I have never been so excited to live for God and live out the plan He has for my life. And then there is Steve. What a change I have seen in him. He has been more loving and caring and attentive. We are FINALLY spending more time together during the week and on the weekend. He goes to church with me and I don't feel like he is dragging his heels anymore. It's like he actually wants to be there with me! I am more in love with him today than I ever have been. I have noticed that I am constantly trying to think of ways to do things for him :) And Serenity, my baby girl. I love her so much (as I always have) and love the way she is growing up. She is so smart and I love watching her do her homework. It amazes me every time she sits down with me and she reads me a book. She is just so dang smart! I hate that she is gone every other week, though :( Yes, I love my little family very much!

Now, if only we could add to it...

That is a post for another day. I just wanted to brag on my favorite people :)

The Naked Truth

Ok, now that I have started this blog 3 or 4 times, I am pretty sure I have completely lost my train of thought. Wonderful... Well, anyway, here it goes. It has been said, if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. And I have, several times. And every time, I get thrown a curve ball and things change. I think the last "change" started about 2 years ago. I was engaged and my fiance was serving in Iraq. In the middle of the tour, he broke it off with me. I was heartbroken, lost, hurt, and confused. It took a couple weeks, but I started to move on, got stronger, and was more determined than ever to get a full time job, move out of my parents house, and be successful. And I did. And then he came back into my life. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that Steve would ever be in my life again. I had moved on and was ok being single. No, better than ok. I realized that I would not have changed to be the woman I became had I not had that time to be alone. But it took me so long to figure that out. So yes, Steve was back in my life once again, but this time we were just friends. And I was totally ok with that and thought it was good for us to just be friends. I slowly realized that I still loved this man. Yet, I couldn't let him know because I was scared to admit it to him and myself. Fast forward a few months. Bought a house and we moved in together. Life was good, most of the time. Had good times, but a lot of fights and it was starting to feel like we were drifting back to old habits. Something was off and I knew it, but I ignored the thoughts because I was once again scared to be alone. As much as I loved this man, I just wasn't head over heals in love like I used to be, like I wanted to be. There were days I just wanted to stay in bed and ignore the world, curl up in a ball and cry till I couldn't cry anymore. I was so tired of feeling hurt and ignored and my heart was breaking. Again. And that has brought us to the present. So where am I now? In the hands of God is where I am. I finally gave it all to God and said, "Help me! Heal me! I can't do this anymore! I don't want to hurt anymore. I want to live for you, God, and not like I have in the past. I want it to be real this time." It was on week 2 of ineed2change (series at my church) that my friend Katie and I were baptized and I really believe that was another turning point in my life. Yes, I was baptized when I was younger, but only because I felt like I was "supposed to". This time, I went public with my faith. This series also gave me the final "nudge" that I needed to quit smoking and I am so glad I did! Now you are probably asking, "Ok Manda, what does being baptized and praying to God have to do with anything?" It has EVERYTHING to do with it! Like my pastor says, it is always only about Jesus. He has changed my life and made me whole again, healed me of my depression, and given me the courage to speak my mind. There are days that are still rough, but not nearly as hard as before. And what about Steve and I? We get a little bit stronger as a couple every day. It was a few weeks ago that I told him that I needed certain things from him and if he could not promise them to me, that I could not be with him anymore. I didn't get the answer I wanted right away. In fact, I was quite certain that I had broken up with him. But he won't let me give up. He promised me the things I needed and has been working hard everyday to be the man I always knew he could me. He goes to church with me every Sunday that he can. He tells me I am beautiful. And I love him more than I ever have. It was a heart change for both of us. It has been a long, and sometimes hard, 5 years for us. Some days, I cannot believe that we have known each other that long and some days, I feel like I have known him all my life. Steve has been in Texas since Thursday morning and comes home in a few hours and I am pretty sure that these next 2 hours are going to take FOREVER!!! 

Well, there you have it. A short and sweet history of me and Steve. Lesson learned for today: God is always right there waiting for you. He wants to come into your life, give you the life change you need, and bless your life beyond what you could hope or imagine. This is what He has done for me and I am forever grateful!

Intro to Lala

First things first about me: I am a mom, a girlfriend, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, teacher, maid, cook, and so much more. I hold more titles than I ever thought possible. I do what I have to do to take care of my family and I would not trade them for the world. I have lived, loved, made mistakes, lost myself, and found myself again.
That being said, the past 3 years have been a time of growing and changing for me. As hard as it has been, this change was needed for me to become who I am today. I have learned so much in my journey. I have let go of things from my past. Learned to be independent of people and dependent on God instead. Without making the changes I have, I would not be who or where I am today. I can honestly say I am happy with my life now. I have gained an independence I never knew I could have.
So this is me, my life, who I am. I am who I am and who I need to be. God has brought me this far and who knows where He will take me. I am outspoken, have an attitude that keeps me sane, and friends who love and support me. Interested to see where this blog goes...