Learning as I Grow

Just realized yesterday that I had no written anything lately, so I decided it's that time again. Nothing too exciting has happened lately. Serenity has her last day of school this Friday and me, Steve, and Serenity are supposed to go camping. However, it is starting to look like the weather is not going to cooperate. Really hoping the weather forecast changes so we can still go bc we are all really looking forward to this trip! What else is new? Well, there were a couple tornadoes in MN this past Sunday. One was just north of my house and one was just south of my house and the devestation and destruction cause by both tornadoes is massive. Many people have no power, looters are everywhere, there was a gas leak, and countless people have nowhere to live right now. I am so thankful that God protected my house and my neighbor's houses and that the tornadoes did not come near me! I cannot imagine how it would feel to have that kind of destruction to my home!
We are getting in to our busy season at the office now that winter is over! It kinda sucks that we rely on nasy weather to stay busy and make money, but that is the way it is around here. So we watch the weather and track storms for hail and wind damage. Good thing I always liked storms! :) Steve said they are getting in to the busy season at the Hot Rod Factory now. No more snow means they can move the cars from one garage to another, paint cars, and do everything else that the winter weather hinders. And he finished school a few weeks ago, so Steve is back to working full time which is great! Those 3-4 hour days were really hard on Steve, so I am really glad that he has full days again.
And on that note, there is not much else new. I learn new things every Sunday in service and every Thursday at CR, and learning and growing as a person. Life is good :)

Reborn... Again

I feel like I have learned a lot in the last few weeks, both at CR and the services at church. I started going to CR because I am broken, but now I am going to CR because I am a broken codependent. I never really thought of myself as being codependent, but in listening to others at CR talk about their codependency I can these characteristics in myself. Dictionary.com defines a codependent this way: "of or pertaining to a relationship in which one person is physically or psychologically addicted, as to alcohol or gambling, and the other person is psychologically dependent on the first in an unhealthy way" The book "Love is a choice gives this explanation: "In its broadest sense, codependency can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviors, or things. Codependency is the fallacy of trying to control interior feelings by controlling people, things, and events on the outside. To the codependent, control or lack of it is central to every aspect of life. The codependent may be addicted to another person. In this interpersonal codependency, the codependent has become so elaborately enmeshed in the other person that the sense of self - personal identity - is severely restricted, crowded out by that other person’s identity and problems."
This is me. I don't think that I am completely codependent, but some of the definitions of codependency describe me. I was talking to my sponsor last night about it and one of the characteristics of codependency that I have is expectations. I have placed unreasonalbe and unattainable expectations on certain people in my life. Why do I do this? Why do I have such high expectations for certain people in my life but not others? Is it because they are closest to me? I think that part of it is fear on my part. But fear of what? That if they don't do something my way, it will fail? That if things are not just so, I will lose them, that they will walk out of my life, not want to be around me? Who knows, because I sure don't. And what right do I have to place these unreasonable expectations on people? I am only setting myself up for failure.
So how do I conquer this side of codependency? 2 Corinthians 10:5 says We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And what is the knowledge of God? Well, I know that Romans 8:28 says that And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Am I called to His purpose? Yes, I am. So this knowledge of God tells me that it will all work out according to His plan and His time frame (not my time frame, which I learned earlier is MUCH shorter that God's). And if it will all work out in the end, what do I have to be worried about? Nothing! So when I am feeling anxious and putting unreasonable expectations on others, take those thought captive to the obedience of Christ and remember that God will work it out and I have nothing to worry about.
Sounds easy enough, right? Yea, not so much. I trust God, no doubt, but I am an impatient person and people just don't change over night. This will take time. And until then, looks like I am stuck on step three...